This post took along Time to write.The dynamics of being Tobagonian are very strange. Most of us don't differentiate when its a question of our Nationality. We are "Trini" like every one else.
But there is still a separation in our hearts. We are grouped together and are very much as patriotic as the standard Trinidadian, but our experience is not the same.
Tobagonians in my age group may have had to deal with the "Stereotype" at some point. I have. In my times as a dancer and pan player and orator in my life, I've had to deal with the stereo types.
"you're from Tobago?"
"But you dont have that harsh accent
...and youre not THAT dark,
and you're calves aren't that big...
and you're pretty...You don't look like you're from Tobago"
One of my first Jobs out of High School was at Republic Bank. Yeah. I was a Bank girl. But even I felt like i was a Token. I did training in Trinidad...and revelled in my fancy uniform and staying in air condition..but i still felt like a Token.Yeah..Trinidadians don't have to deal with that.
Our ancestral make up is different. Tobagonians are a people who relied on agriculture. Some tribes dropped of in Tobago as slaves maintained their blood lines for quite sometime. Cocoa and plantations.
We supplied food to Trinidad..and with access to supplies being limited..that existence lead to settled, market communities supported by neighbors and Churches and family. Harvest and Planting. Reaping and Sowing. We respected the land that supported us. I believe that's why we still remain so relatively untouched.
Our technological or more so Industrial progress was stinted for a while. Most Trinidadians, even to this day, don't know much about Tobago except for the occasional visits to the beachy Touristy areas. So our inherent cultural customs remained rich and untouched maintaining much of their African Ancestry even to this day as see in the Tobago Heritage Festival.
Even now, the people who created this festival are not non entities to me. They were hands on in my personal life development. Their children are my friends and mentors. They shared their experiences and life with me on a personal level.
In truth our ethnic makeup is different. Yes. Up till a few years ago, the genetic makeup of Tobago was 90 percent Black African descent. Land ownership too. Most Tobagonians have owned the land that they live on for multiple generations past.
It makes us a Very proud people with roots that stretch back ages. Lines have crossed between friendship and family for so long so that everyone is a pumpkin vine "cousin". It means that a village raised you. Not just your parents, but your entire community.
I think it has made us a courteous respectful, polite people. It doesn't mean that we're afraid to speak out, but I think we always defer to being respectful...especially our elders..in most regards.[well we USED to]. It means a greeting to friend and foe. It means a "Sir" or "Miss" and definitely "Thank You." I think its also made us an honest people too. Since every one KNOWS your history, why hide it?
Emphasis in Tobago was always on education. Every body had to do well. Grades were competitive at EVERY level...not that it's not in Trinidad..but we also had to represent Tobago. Its almost as if , our parents believed that we had to OVER excel so that we could escape the very stereo type of being Tobagonian - un-exposed, socially stunted, shy, soft spoken, Unaware.
This is the secret.
We were the Very opposite.
With a focus on literature and reading and expanding we were exposed to any and everything.
I started dance as early as hmm...3? Ballet. Folk. Modern. Rigorous. Piano. Pan. The adults around us focused on enunciation and pronunciation. We had to Speak well. Words like "Nice" and "Good" were stricken from our vocabulary. They weren't descriptive enough and were over used. If you had to emote ..do it well.
The accent didn't have to be hidden....but the words were to be succinct and appropriate and CORRECT. Because at every opportunity you were to CRUSH that stereotype. All the time. It didn't hurt things that my parents were both educators. My Mom - literature and languages. My dad - Math, Greek and Latin. See?
I was lucky to be in a dance company taught by a Trini ..Roxanne Fung..that taught us ballet. We did the Royal Academy Exams. Every year we would have candidates that made the highest level grades. Honors. I myself made that grade 4 times in my Ballet Career.
We would go to Trinidad for summer programs..at the Caribbean School of Dancing under Miss Roe. I think we were favorites for her. Over the years she choreographed and staged NUMEROUS shows for us. My first feature on pointe was in her choreographed " Dan the Crab and the Dumpling Ghost." I was the Dumpling Ghost. Haha
In fact now that i think about it we worked with the creme de la creme of Trinidad Dance. Alan Balfour, Pat Roe, Allison Browne, Phillip Sergeant, Eric Butler, Torrance Mohammed, Richard Lessey, Jean Coggins-Simmons, Joyce Kirton, Noble Douglas, Eugene Joseph and Sonja Dumas. And we always felt that they thought we were Gems... Undiscovered Gems.
Every Year we would traipse to Dere Street [it become our Trinidad home..we were at Dance Class during the coup in 1990..right around the street from the blazing Red House] and we would start shy, nervous about being able to be at standard with our Trinidad counterparts.
Whats worse is that we were the little " black" girls, strangers so to speak, with thick accents, trying to fit in with the mulatto, full white and mixed breed girls in our midst. Only to discover, not only were we technically adequate, but sometimes SUPERIOR. In fact this technical strength was something that I think our teacher Roxanne and Miss Roe were proud of.
I don't think it was just in my head either as we were chosen many times to be in combined island productions without question and in my specific age group ALL of us...auditioned and made it to the soon defunct National Dance theater of Trinidad and Tobago. [NDTC}. So as much as the stigma was there...heard in hushed whispers across a wooden floor, we were made...No TRAINED to break it.
Even in education we were pushed to excel... not necessarily to compete against each other...which did happen, but to make our stand as Tobagonians. There was also always a prefix : Tobagonian dancer on Twelve and Under. Tobagonian students aces Common entrance Examinations. Tobagonian entrant in Calypso Competition.
Your parents always stressed ...you must do better. You MUST work harder. You will be judged and cannot come up short. It's built into us...into me ...to this day. I entered the Calypso Competitions as a a teen.
I remember taking the boat over to Trinidad to go audition for the Junior Calypso competitions. Auditioning with many others,but being called the Tobagonian entrant. Shurwayne Winchester and I competed in Tobago on a regular basis ...and then would run into each other at the Trinidad auditions and huddle to support each other...cause we were representing you Know.
I remember Tracey Ann Anthony , and Tricia Bocage being in the same competitions and being so proud to see them on the Savannah stage...representing us..even though I didn't make it. I'm so happy for the experience. It's where I met Machel and Kurt Alleyne and Sharlene Boodram and kinda shaped my view of calypso and Soca.
I met Machel on Twelve and Under when i was about 10 years old. we were both competing on Twelve and UNDER . Him as a calypsonian. Me as a poet. He was my first boy friend. HAHAH...I still remember his song. "Remember the future of the nation depends on the Now generation". hahah.
I did a poem..sigh...I was missing my front teeth at the time.. and recited a poem about Milo and Milk being the culprit. I remember in our down time sitting outside in the TTT studios talking to each other. He would pull my carefully pressed and curled Ponytails. hahah..
Aunty Hazel was my hero and came to my home when she visited Tobago. I was lucky to Meet Yvonne Popplewell, Dominic Kalipersad, Allison Hennessy... Damn that seems like ages ago. But even then..I was the precocious, well spoken, educated, exposed TOBAGONIAN girl. A rarity it seemed at the time.
But it was not. All my family and friends and school mates were exposed. Even those of us who never left the island regularly like I was fortunate enough to do. With scores of Trinidadian relatives and parents that had many reasons to jump between islands, I never felt like my experience was lacking.
Summers at Alliance Francaise in San Fernando, Spending time with my grandmother in Laventille, going to Queen's Hall to see the Lydians or Signal Hill Alumni Choir or the Love Circle, Kiddies carnival in the Savannah, days at the Zoo, at my uncle's house in Long Circular or cousins In Bonair Gardens, Arouca, or aunt in St James, my mom and my aunt heading to the all inclusive parties, days on High street waiting for the Pres boys....I didn't feel any different..
But I was.
I think I was lucky. I had the exposure of Trinidad with the comfort and security of a Tobago village life. An extended family that took care of me and saw me as their own. An exposure to the worldliness of Trinidad knowing full well I would go home to Good Wood and see my grand father or Pembroke to visit Nen my great aunt and be immediately recognized by everyone.
Because they knew me. Not just me...but my mother and father and my father's father and my mother's father and her siblings could see my Great Grandfather's face in my eyes when I never knew him. And could see my Grandmother Zetty, that I never knew, in my gestures and movements.
It was about belonging ..when even you didn't know HOW you belonged...only that you did. It is about feeling that the very earth that you live on KNOWS you. That you could be swallowed by it and find the ones that knew you before you existed.
I claim Trinidad and Tobago daily, fiercely, eternally. I'm proud of our every accomplishment, devastated at our every failure and horror...and Yes I am Trini.
But I am SOOO proudly, so thankfully, so beautifully...Tobagonian.
