Clivia Writes

On Becoming.

On Becoming…

To be loved by Mrs. Lovelace was like having
the Sun turn its face to you ….
Not a blinding blistering burning thing,
but
A focused energy
A tacit acknowledgement
that allowed your imagination,
the very essence of you,
to be brave enough to show up.
To have the warmth of that attention touch you and allow you to grow into…
Whatever…
Whoever …
your heart said it wanted to be.

Like being surrounded by a rubber band.
Sturdy but flexible…
you could stretch it,
push it,
but it would always snap back to what it originally was.
You were made to acknowledge what and who you are…
Because the secret of becoming
Is knowing who you are.

She allowed you..
To become…
To choose your path,
gradually
Discovering the self that you had no idea was there…
To discover….that the strengths that she coaxed out of you …
were not injected there by her….
But had been there inside you all along,…
And to be afraid of the talents that god gave you …..
was to crush the very light that grew in you.

She was an artist in nurturing….
this becoming..
the potential,
Not just in me…
In every child,
In every heart,
In every adult she touched.
Somehow the question would be asked….
gently, honestly, openly,
Agenda – less.
Who Are You?
Who do you want to be?

Our relationship was special.
In a whole school of children you could not tell me that she was not my personal Lovelace.
I just happened to generously share her with everyone else.
I didn’t like to eat as a child..
so instead I would turn my mother's perfectly crafted gourmet sandwiches into science experiments.

..growing,
moving things wrapped in foil.
..looking nothing like what they were first crafted to be..
I still cannot say why I wouldn’t eat them, especially since my favourite meal is now a sandwich,
I think I would rather be doing something else..'

But Lovelace recrafted the way I saw food.

We would eat, in her office,
slowly,
talking….
sometimes reading …
And instead of thinking of a meal as something to get through…
It became something I could enjoy.

I think though the true essence of this bright funny scary smart gentle personality
Is that at all times,
Through all mistakes, at any level of my existence…
I was enough.
We are all enough.
Because Lovelace said so.