2010 has been a tiring draining year so far...
A.....what do you mean i lost 6 pounds kinda year?
A...Maybe i should be a stripper kinda year...[less hours...no brain power necessary..well maybe]..
a...will this project ever end kinda year.

My trip home for christmas as glorious as it was...seems like a LIFETIME ago..

Im exhausted..
unmotivated..
unexcited.....

Im too tired to be creative ...lol..and too scared to not be..
Its as if...FEAR is eating my voice...
Life is so ...uncertain right now..
I know im not alone...and god i am thankful that i have a job to go to..
that i can sustain myself...

But I WANT MORE!!
I had so many plans lined up for this year...
and its not that i cant accomplish them..
I'm AFRAID to pursue them in this awful economy..
I feel guilty about making choices that will make me happy even temporarily..
to travel...upgrades in my house...
what if?
I'm petrified by what ifss.

I know im not alone in this fear...the anxiety...
but i want to laugh more...to smile more...to enjoy people to build memories
and im Crippled.....by this fear of loss
of losing what i DONT have yet...

..be a man of your word...
EVERY word..
like...
"Ill be there in twenty....
or..
I'll call you when I'm done..
Or...
this will ALL be over soon...
or..


If you want to keep her...
LOOK at her...
not around her....or next to her...
or when she cant FEEL you looking at her..

If you want to keep her...

remind her what you smell like...
or that you know what she smells like...

If you want to keep her...
Don't just rely on words to let her know she's beautiful..
she should know because you take advantage of Any opportunity to touch her..

If you want to keep her...

remember that the thought of you should bring a smile..
or a memory....
a smell ...a song...to mind...
and that requires focus and time ...



...then it disappeared..This has been a draft for so long...and I dont have the energy to even bring my brain back to that space right now...so I just published it

Lol.
So ive been super busy with work...and avoiding even talking about Carnival cause I didn't go to Trinidad. AGAIN!! sigh...
So like most of us that didn't make the trek Ive been living vicariously through ctnt and facebook statuses. But NO hate....
anyways....i actually left home last night to go to an event here.

I went to Karibana at Sosta....hoping to capture a taste of Trinidad carnival. I needed a fix.
It was good. I mean....I've been out of the loop for a little bit so when I first got there it felt like i was in a teeny bopper party. But soon the old heads started showing up. That venue makes for a good party anyways. Not too small not too big. and i have to give Dorenzo credit ...his set was on. I wonder who the new mike man was???

The highlight of my night however was the Machel set. God I love that Boy. lol. What other current soca artist can you play a 45 minute set..of straight Machel....hit after hit after hit. When the played Water Flowing I was sooooo transported. and Vendors......allyuh remember that? Vendors??? They even played Sun...that song not usually in circulation anymore. so im thinking it done and wayyyyyyyyyyy....To early for your love!! WHATTTTTT! Utterly transported. UTTERLY!

Twas a good night.
Now im just waiting for MARCH!! Sigh when the boy will be performing just for me in Miami..for my birthday. No I not delusional. Its FATE Dammit!! A celebration of the artist that is my voice of soca...throughout all my life experiences...carnival and otherwise...

I CANT WAIIITT!!!

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