I'm dealing with a Loss..
I didnt consider it a loss before..
more of a Morphing of one type of relationship into another..
Just as Important ...and meaningful..but different..
I realize though ...that the dynamic has changed...
On my part too.. at least...
because I'm..well honestly..reluctant to be as OPEN as i used to be...
Because.. its not my PLACE??
I am UNSURE of my place...and don't want to take liberties that aren't mine to take..
so i guess i just wait in the awkward gap..for the boundaries to be defined to me...
And remember what used to be behind the wall

I have friend. a good friend that on many occasions ive thought i would have to stop being her friend.
She hasn't done anything wrong to me...she is sweet and caring and loving..
She is..
She's been through so much in her life..
but still retains the laughter in her life
pregnant at a young age, her mother didn't support her decision to have her daughter,
her father never much a part in her life..
she struggled and succeeded,
Eventually married and had three other kids..
her husband was a drunk and a MOLESTER..yes i said it..
A MOLESTER
He not only sexually abused her...,but we recently found out her oldest daughter too
she finally broke free of him..
and started a new life..
and found this new guy..
who at first seemed like a god send ..
Loved her kids..
put her needs before his..
Yeah he was younger..
but he treated with respect..

until..he tripped..
and turned into an irrational
paranoid monster
a thief.. who threatens her every day..
Does she draw these people to her?? is that it?
Im so tired of telling her to stand up for herself...
she talks..

EDIT..
while im writing this post..
i get a call from her ..
after getting a restraining order against him
because he was beating the SHIT out of her..
AGAIN..
he dragged them into the house that he should not be in
he has DESTROYED her home..
breaking everything of value
has written the most obscene things all over the walls and mirrors...
Locked her and two of her kids into a room
and told them to take the bible out and pray...

Her daughter is alone with him in the outside apartment..
Shes screaming and crying..

They break a window and climb out and call the police
who are now outside with their guns drawn..
asking him to release her little girl..
I KNEW it would come to this i KNEW IT..

i have to go..
I know people will tell me i Shouldnt..
Ive been advised so many times to step back..

updates later..[sigh]