its funny....no it's not...
that moods ebb and wane like tides...
That the same confident person in January...
can be a lost, floundering person in March...
because at your strongest EMOTIONAL tide...
The people you have around you dont matter so much...
because your energy is enough to keep the Jumbies at bay...[yes i said jumbies]
but at your lowest...
you can't tell who is an anchor....
keeping your grounded
or an ANCHOR dragging you lower...
that see-saw of emotions is so taxing...
it drains your physical energy...
your mental capacity...
your drive to produce,
your ability to be social...
your Humor...
your appetite...awash in a Karmic sea...

I think i can understand sometimes why people hold on to anger,
Anger has direction, it is single minded...
it has purpose and drive..
no dissembling...
or mental contortions...
or fits of guilt ...or conscience..
The weather or music does not affect it or deter it.
it DECIDES.

I didn't write this...but its Priceless

Job at the FBI

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews
And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;
Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of
The men to a large metal door and handed
Him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your
Instructions no matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting
In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could
Never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man
For this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was
Quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,
But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't
Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the
Same instructions, to kill her husband.

She took theGun and went into the room. Shots were heard,
one After another. They heard screaming, crashing,
Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was
Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the
Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.


'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to
Beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL:

Women are crazy. Don't mess with them

I call it Blah Land...

haha...
im actually kinda happy here..
its Slightly Pessimistic.....but not Sadly or Angrily So....

haha..

its almost a like..
Yeah I figured this is how it would go....
tsk tsk...oh well...Let's move on to other things...

its almost like a release actually....

Smile


and Carry on..

somebody tell my a%% to go do some work!!


----------------
Now playing: Amy Winehouse - Take the Box
via FoxyTunes

Calm has apparently returned..
Work was Uneventful..
in terms of Hexes ..or cursing..or Wildly imagining co- workers in uncomfortable positions...
haha..

You know how sometimes corny people ask you when youre having a bad day..
"Do You Need a Hug?"
and you think..

Weirdos...that doesn't fix Jack..

But I got a "hug" today..
not a physical one. The twin wrote something for me. No it wasn't for me. It was a thought, written out that referred to me. This happened apparently at the same time I was having my "BREAK"...even though I didn't mention or discuss it...

Anyways..

you know when you KNOW that YOU personally are an evil, selfish, unstable, biased, opinionated, prejudiced person..
and it bothers you...
cause you wanna be Good ..
I do.. i really do..

and somebody
Sees that in spite of all the garbage that you know about your self
what they see first and foremost...is that you WANT to be good..to be better...

It blows you away..
they SEE you..maybe its an un realized version of you...but they see you...

its SOOOO much better than a hug...

There I go again...
writing something thatll probably freak people who REALLY know me out..
worrying about my mental state..
Shit this is MYYYY blog...
k..
how do you know this isnt my life Vest?
that when i vent here i can go cope back in Gotham...and not viciously destroy all the bad guys..
Consider this my Bat Signal k?
Anyways..
im trying to figure out what burn out is..Cause

I'm functioning..
Quite well too..
Work is getting done ...im really focused at work..
EVen my boss has noticed the quality of work is better..
and on the creative side..
The Pinions are firing...is that it?
Ive come up with the other parts for the costumes...
and now i have to go try to be an engineer of sorts...
my bed is coverred with sketches ..and instead of being nervous..im actually excited because it may fail...haha..but it may not..

BUT..
all of this is happening with a muffled scream in my head..
you know when you want to scream...
and not have anyone hear you..
so you stuff your face in a pillow....

imagine the low whine of the scream...
that..

is in my head..
Unless i make the concerted effort to DROWN it..

my brain is functioning...
but im Lethargic...
I feel slightly less than female..
haha...as in
I could care less what I look like to Guys
Or Anyone for that matter..
which is probably a shock to the senses for people that know me..
Am i vain?? nah..thats another story.. i don't think so..

I think...now this is jus a supposition..

I think...that Im waiting to be Pleasantly surprised...
or passionately inspired...
Or rejuvenated by ..
Something..

so maybe its not burn out..
Im jus ..
waiting..