I have Insomnia...

Nothing new...been plagued with it on and off all my life...

Usually it means my brain wont shut the F&*()k up and let me sleep..

Last night in particular was  difficult because of that damn moon.

Pisces. Moon cycles. All of that crap.

So while i stared at the ceiling and contemplated world domination......this came to me.

Wait for it ...

Follow the Ramble..

at some point in your life.....people decide what side of the fence they're on...

and who they're going to keep on that side of the fence with them...

this isn't a bullshit decision..this is one that will make or BREAK... your LIFE!

your existence...

your POTENTIAL Happiness....

the SUM of your future..the Quality of your life ..

thats a Big deal...

THAT's A big fucking deal..

And as you get older ..people think that as you learn and experience more that it gets easier..

..in fact it gets harder...

harder to trust...

harder to allow yourself the space to be Soft..

harder to REBOUND from when someone steps on you...

harder to look at someone with innocence and wonder ...instead of dread and malign...

at some point...you realize...that people will continue to hurt you....even those that love you..

LISTEN...

there is a point to all of this ..

Follow the Ramble...lol

Even those who love you will hurt You...

Sometimes intentionally...

and at that point you decide..

well if you have the presence of mind to...

at some point you decide..

What you want the fabric of your future to be...

More importantly...

What is YOUR purpose in their lives??

Are you essential to their Happiness?

THAT'S THE THING THAT KEEPS ME AWAKE.....

am I giving Front Stage play.......

to THOSE that Don't Care if I Breathe or Cry???

and don't get me wrong...this is not an ego trip...

If that's the case I have no choice but to Live with it as it is...

I'm a pro at moving on...BAD Mind is a BITCH! 

I'm a Gangsta with that...lol

THE THING THAT KEEPS ME AWAKE...

is how FRIGGING  Mother F%^*(^*& DUMB Was I ??

You cannot comprehend the DESCRIPTIVENESS of the words running through my head right now..

Me? 

ME?

How the GOOD GODDAMN could I Be so goddamn stupid?

So blind, so myopic? 

SO Friggin emotional and CAUGHT THE F*&(* up??

HOW??

 HOW?

I MAY NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.