Soo stressed ...
so tense...
so closed off to the world ..
that my brain hurts...my teeth hurt..
i feel like i can trust no one with the burdens of my anxiety..
i cant lay my burdens down on anyone...
i dont want to infect them with the malaise that hangs over me like a cloud...
in every area..
there is uncertainty and doubt and disappointment...
pressure to perform and produce..
no respite in sight...
34 has not been a good year for me so far...
i had such great hopes for it..
i pray its a transitional thing..
i see only upheaval coming in the next couple months..
i pray i have the strength to deal with it...
i rely on me...and my abilities...
theyve done me well in the past...
i hope they continue to in this uncertain future..
so tense...
so closed off to the world ..
that my brain hurts...my teeth hurt..
i feel like i can trust no one with the burdens of my anxiety..
i cant lay my burdens down on anyone...
i dont want to infect them with the malaise that hangs over me like a cloud...
in every area..
there is uncertainty and doubt and disappointment...
pressure to perform and produce..
no respite in sight...
34 has not been a good year for me so far...
i had such great hopes for it..
i pray its a transitional thing..
i see only upheaval coming in the next couple months..
i pray i have the strength to deal with it...
i rely on me...and my abilities...
theyve done me well in the past...
i hope they continue to in this uncertain future..
I wrote these lyrics for a song i heard...
so instead of deleting them....im posting them here..:0
so instead of deleting them....im posting them here..:0
I cyah believe he right there next to me
Perfection in front of mi face
Is Push and pull
Hide and chase
I cyah believe he right there next to me
And I don’t know what to say
The two of us running away
I tried to hide the way I feel
But it all over mi face
This game we playing don’t feel like no game
I want to tell him that my love Is real..
But no..
It cyah go so
Cause I been down this road before ..
And he’s a man
He goh break your heart and leave you crying..
He’s a man…
Fling you like a salt prune seed when the flavor gone..
Blooming like a pouii tree under his reflection
but the Rainy season does end……
and your fear is the psalm that you sing in the end..
I cyah take the chance
I cant do the dance
This love feel too ancient
Too perfect too patient…
The risk is my heart
I cant play the part…
But my heart it still reaching…
For his love it beseeching..
Like I announced before..my Band Vibrationz will be presenting Vegas Nights as our presentation for Miami Carnival.
As Creative Director [gulp] for the band..it means that even now we are in full planning stages. A quick trip to New York last week for materials/samples was one of our first moves...and the process has begun.
In Miami you would be hard pressed to charge the prices generally quoted for Trinidad carnival..or even for Labor Day in New York. So our constant challenge is to do creative designs on a limited budget.
Our premise at Vibrationz is that we want to deliver a quality costume, gorgeous...as close to Trinidad Standards as our budgets will allow. Placing fourth in last years carnival does not deliver a large financial windfall...so our challenge is always budget.
My challenge is always the balance of creativity vs budget..a challenge that makes for constant barter with vendors and creative means to come up with distinctive designs...
Right now ..we're in the midst of designing prototypes. And LORD..my head is spinning..because as much as I want spectacular design elements...staying within budget and having distinctive costumes is driving me up a wall. I sometimes wish that we had the benefit of Large sponsors like some of the more established bands...but i think the challenge is what keeps up sharp.
Jamaicans have a saying..Likkle but they talawah....I kinda think that's what Vibrationzz is. At least right now. We may not have the benefit of large sponsors but we try sooo hard to make our masqueraders happy that i believe that's one of the reasons they keep coming back. Our team is selfless, and focused on a true carnival experience even outside of profit....so we continue.
And now my dreams are filled with braid and feathers, of color swatches and applique..of converting visions in my head to reality on a mannequin and eventually to models and costumes on the road.
See you soon..
I out on the road.....i there with my friends...:)
-Disclaimer-
As Creative Director [gulp] for the band..it means that even now we are in full planning stages. A quick trip to New York last week for materials/samples was one of our first moves...and the process has begun.
In Miami you would be hard pressed to charge the prices generally quoted for Trinidad carnival..or even for Labor Day in New York. So our constant challenge is to do creative designs on a limited budget.
Our premise at Vibrationz is that we want to deliver a quality costume, gorgeous...as close to Trinidad Standards as our budgets will allow. Placing fourth in last years carnival does not deliver a large financial windfall...so our challenge is always budget.
My challenge is always the balance of creativity vs budget..a challenge that makes for constant barter with vendors and creative means to come up with distinctive designs...
Right now ..we're in the midst of designing prototypes. And LORD..my head is spinning..because as much as I want spectacular design elements...staying within budget and having distinctive costumes is driving me up a wall. I sometimes wish that we had the benefit of Large sponsors like some of the more established bands...but i think the challenge is what keeps up sharp.
Jamaicans have a saying..Likkle but they talawah....I kinda think that's what Vibrationzz is. At least right now. We may not have the benefit of large sponsors but we try sooo hard to make our masqueraders happy that i believe that's one of the reasons they keep coming back. Our team is selfless, and focused on a true carnival experience even outside of profit....so we continue.
And now my dreams are filled with braid and feathers, of color swatches and applique..of converting visions in my head to reality on a mannequin and eventually to models and costumes on the road.
See you soon..
I out on the road.....i there with my friends...:)
-Disclaimer-
Illusions...
age suggests experience...
it suggests knowledge of yourself and your options..
It implies that you are self aware...slightly knowledgeable of your flaws
of your reactions to situations...
and that while jaded ...you can view situations rationally..
age suggests wisdom
what a farce
Being a romantic is difficult...
being a romantic constantly facing reality is heartbreaking..
Hope is a fleeting thing...
it inspires words ...
and possibilities that unfortunately just become....illusions
fleeting ghosts of lives not realized....
and it is just ..too painful to continue them...
So..i'll crush them.
Ill do it myself so that no one is to blame...
Step on them with my feet
while my own heart screams bloody murder...
burn them like ancient love letters till they're ash and flame...
freeze passion ..
till the Icebox is left...
warm hearts are highly overrated..
age suggests experience...
it suggests knowledge of yourself and your options..
It implies that you are self aware...slightly knowledgeable of your flaws
of your reactions to situations...
and that while jaded ...you can view situations rationally..
age suggests wisdom
what a farce
Being a romantic is difficult...
being a romantic constantly facing reality is heartbreaking..
Hope is a fleeting thing...
it inspires words ...
and possibilities that unfortunately just become....illusions
fleeting ghosts of lives not realized....
and it is just ..too painful to continue them...
So..i'll crush them.
Ill do it myself so that no one is to blame...
Step on them with my feet
while my own heart screams bloody murder...
burn them like ancient love letters till they're ash and flame...
freeze passion ..
till the Icebox is left...
warm hearts are highly overrated..
