this month has been....
transforming...
a death of a friend...murdered ...in his own home..
leaving so many to mourn him...a humble, simple, genuine person.
Taken.

A death of another..days apart...
it feels like a sick joke.
younger than I am...a heart attack...

A baby son of a friend hospitalized...for days...

A family friend who scared the hell out of us..
by collapsing and being hospitalized for days..

At some moments...
I just want to rail at the ...Unfairness of it all...
in a way I'm still numb...
because to attempt to process all of this all once..
while still dealing with the hills and valleys of my own life..


Processing ...has left me..
almost DEVOID of responding.
I would think that its grief...
I can only imagine what those closer to them are feeling...
The THOUGHT of their grief paralyzes me..

the day to day silly simple conversations with my sister...i think has kept me ...
tethered..
that even in the midst of all this...
uncertainty and fear..and loss..
that I can hold on to
the No specific direction...
no specific purpose...
but ALTOGETHER necessary interaction with someone who values me...and I value.

I'm so unbelievably THANKFUL, GRATEFUL for this.

The truth is...
we could all be gone..TOMORROW.
TODAY.
Just.
Like.
That.

So cherish the people you hold close to you..
in spite of the disagreements,
the misunderstandings,
the conflicts,
the misgivings,

Cherish the ones who even just APPEAR to love you...
this life is fleeting..
so hold on to the tender moments and the not so tender..
because even those moments that you would rather escape...

those moments mean..
that you are here.

Alive.
With endless possibilities to grow, and love, and cry and learn.
Alive