Its been a markedly long time since I could say that.
When I say this...
I say it unabashedly
No pride, No thought..No doubt.
I love this man...and it is doomed.
Doomed because the similarities go beyond generic shit like food, and music..
but converge on ethical choices, unspoken memories, irrational fears..even un-shared experiences.
Deep Shit.
It's Doomed...
because neither can pull the other out of that space that spells "Safe"
Cling to a pseudo relationship that is more ephemeral,
possibly imagined, un-physical....and still,
Shockingly..one of the most satisfying that I have ever had in my life.
Feeds that creative pig of mine that claims to want the things
not of the physical...the psychic connection,
the existential,symbiotic relationship.
Still.
It is a steady diet of denial
content to be miserable, lonely, yearning
Because I cannot, WILL not face the possibility
that HE is not what MY love should be...
We Pisces need to be miserable to be happy.
Shifting. Daily. On a pendulum of doubt and hope...
Let him go...Tell you heart to Let him Go.
Deny new contacts,new energies
Afraid to give up on the possibility of One..
A selfish self-flagellation.
Intentionally crushing the energies that seek mine.
A cosmic toy.
A perfect gadget..
Discarded until a memory triggers a fleeting need for it.
SHE WHO WILL NOT BE LOVED
should transform into...
She who will LET someone love her...
No REALIST can live in the land of WHAT COULD BE forever...
My heart's imagination cannot conjure a love song forever...
