So...its October....when was the last post here? I cant even remember...and while Nix and Sue remind me that I've been delinquent in my postings.....I havent had the ZEAL to put my thoughts, however conflicted down...Usually around this time im jus getting over the carnival drama, and settling down to normal life again....Endless fodder for a complex brain...but I feel like ...I'm waiting....for the...
Soo....Renee is in town...which usually means that all the Social events that I’ve become so adept at avoiding ...much to my friends dismay...especially the ones who call me to make sure that I’m leaving...and I still never reach...sigh... I cannot avoid because she will not LET ME!!!@! She has no idea how comfortable I have become with sitting my butt in my favourite...
sooo...yesterday was the photo shoot.... We get there at 12 ( doh lie Clivia...you were late 12:30) nothing starts till say 2. so Clivia the Artist is immediately sensitive and testy and wants to pee..and go back in the car and hide...and start over the blasted costumes...you KNOW that braid wasnt right...and why di arse you think you is Mac Farlane and bending...
In
Cliviawrites,
Yayay!!
Now i don't care who laughs....and anyways i have a tendency to turn my moments into soap opera scenes...but I finally have access back to my blog...after playing with some setting that made me just a visitor lmfao... Thanks Renee... Now i can rant as I'd please...but so much has happened in betweeen my last post and the next ...that I'll just say....that...
So...ive been listening to Lauryn Hill a lot these past days....lol..probably because she seems so tortured and agitated...a perfect reflection of my mood at the moment.Im honestly trying to find that...well...calm that seems so elusive to even her....shes moves from seemingly calm moments of clarity (thanks Geoff) and certainty...to almost painful wracking periods of despair and anger...Thank God she had that Guitar and...
[Strength is coming....I can feel it....thank God..can you tattoo a whole song on your back?] SelahNothing can be done against the truthNo matter how we remain in denialWasting time Replacing timeWith each empty excuseBut that'll only work a little whileCoping with despairKnowing you're not thereAshamed to just admitI've been a foolSo I blame it on the SonRun away from everyoneHoping to escape this...
Sulu was my first pet. David gave him to me as a surprise. We had really gone to look at Mastiff's cause I was convinced that i HAD TO HAVE ONE. We went to the pet shop, and i'm there looking at all the dogs..on the floor covered in puppies. For a woman with no kids...that's a wonderful thing. Anyway, the girl at...
So...I guess I'm single again...and with it has come all these insecurities...about my body, and my intelligence...and my abilities to cope with life...My friends and loved ones try to reassure me that I'm perfectly capable of dealing with whatever I run into...But at night the demons come...they're called insecurity, and fear and failure...I'm a cancer survivor...and during my therapy a lot of issues...
So once again,...After making plans with the girls to go out...a birthday celebration none the less....everyone backs out. Shoot we plan to go out every weekend.....the strain of work makes us insist we NEED a drink, we need to chill out.. we scream and moan and cry that we cant wait for Friday ...for the weekend so we could relax and do something...we...
In
Cliviawrites,
Grudges
Im learning really quickly that silence can work so well to say what you want to say. In these days of accidental deaths, when people or things can be taken away from you in the flash of an eye, when the thing that seems so achingly important to you at that moment can just disappear....shouldnt your energies be focused on your own growth...
for those non Stephen King readers.....slippage is the gradual disintegration of something...so slow that you barely notice it......it happens right in front of your eyes....but you dont notice it....till you can't fix it.... Young enough to know that SOME things are far behind you...Old enough to finally be aware of your own potential, purpose....and experienced enough to acknowledge that the things you had...
When you hate, the only person who SUFFERS is you because half the people you hate DON'T KNOW IT and the other half DON'T CARE. That is something that I have come to learn and I think it's something to live by.So to "anyone", anywhere who think you hate/dislike me I say this to you:There is no need to talk about me because...
In
Cliviawrites,
Mood
Couldn’t have given you more. I tried to love you like you loved me. Maybe for wrong reasons....maybe. At first it was beautiful. Every girl has a fairytale. But then you wake up and see it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. It turned into screaming days and solo nights. Just wasn’t right (yeah...) I didn’t really wanna see you, was happy...
[From a blog that I'm phasing out]I wonder sometimes if people act a certain way to make sure that they "appear" to be this person in your eyes. I would hope that my friends don't do that.Mere acquaintances i dont care about.....but i would hate to think that the people i treasure for who they are ....are pretending to be who i THINK...
sooo... In the past few months...I've been going through some emotional , physical and financial..Trials...for want of a better word.Some of this anxiety may be considered as well ...self induced.... I don't think that's what it is....I left my home...my island....as a sheltered, naive "girl" (a brown girl..)...armed only with optimism and intelligence (book sense) and the armor of my family's love and...
...a silent scream... hovers at the lips.... banging in the head like a trapped animal ..dangerous and afraid ....needing to get out ...a thudding in the ears ..making eyes transfixed ...fists clenched ...biting lips .....panicked ...can anyone else hear it?? is it just me....struggling for calm, movement stalled to avoid displaying the terror ...just smile ...and breathe ...this too shall pass. Source ...
Any person who cannot acknowledge that you too are capable of dreams, Any person too selfish to see that you too have a soul, and a voice, and a vision for your lifeAnyone who cannot step out of themselves and see that......should be walked away from with no regret...only REJOICING!!! Any person who cannot acknowledge that you too are capable of dreams, Any...
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. ...
My sister is Renee. She’s four years younger than I am….and we look nothing alike. I’d like to think our personalities are similar, but they’re not. We’ve grown tremendously close in these last years…in fact I don’t function too well without her. Of all the people in the world that I can understand or can understand me, it’s her. She may not understand...
for those non Stephen King readers.....slippage is the gradual disintegration of something...so slow that you barely notice it......it happens right in front of your eyes....but you dont notice it....till you can't fix it.... Young enough to know that SOME things are far behind you...Old enough to finally be aware of your own potential, purpose....and experienced enough to acknowledge that the things you had...
When you hate, the only person who SUFFERS is you because half the people you hate DON'T KNOW IT and the other half DON'T CARE. That is something that I have come to learn and I think it's something to live by. So to "anyone", anywhere who think you hate/dislike me I say this to you: There is no need to talk about...
In
BGITR,
Cliviawrites
Elation
Rapture’s self is three parts sorrow. Although we must die to-morrow, Losing every thought but this; Torn, triumphant, drowned in bliss. Elation... Ain't that the truth?? ...
[From a blog that I'm phasing out]I wonder sometimes if people act a certain way to make sure that they "appear" to be this person in your eyes. I would hope that my friends don't do that.Mere acquaintances i dont care about.....but i would hate to think that the people i treasure for who they are ....are pretending to be who i THINK...
So.. He says he loves me.. But lied to me about where he’s been And what and WHO he’s doing… In one hypocritical breathe Asking me to be patient.. While he’s fucking another Accuses me of lying While, without exhaling, he does the same But insists that he loves me Fuck Love HE can see and sleep with another… But I cannot Yet...
