..the human heart is such a complicated..complex thing..Im in awe of it...in one person...a constant whirlwind of emotions...conflicting ..yet connected ...all at once..Im mourning today...mourning a family member that's almost gone....But not yet...And in my heart i'm celebrating his memories..Im making myself smile at them...
Im mourning the loss of a man I never knew...but was loved by my friend...and that is enough..and Im celebrating...a simple thing...a weekend party with my sister and friends  ...and revelling in just being alive and being.. .and having laughter and love in my life ..and im sad...because i dont think ive found him yet... the one
...or maybe i did and i lost him ..and if i did it's my fault and if its my fault how do i fix myself ..and why should i fix myself? .. and am i gonna end up alone?? .. and why am i worrying about this when im alive and i can breathe and im breathing and moving and laughing and mourning ...and i'm terrified and sad..and scared and happy and worried and terrified that this is ALL THERE IS!!

exhale...