2010 has been a tiring draining year so far...
A.....what do you mean i lost 6 pounds kinda year?
A...Maybe i should be a stripper kinda year...[less hours...no brain power necessary..well maybe]..
a...will this project ever end kinda year.

My trip home for christmas as glorious as it was...seems like a LIFETIME ago..

Im exhausted..
unmotivated..
unexcited.....

Im too tired to be creative ...lol..and too scared to not be..
Its as if...FEAR is eating my voice...
Life is so ...uncertain right now..
I know im not alone...and god i am thankful that i have a job to go to..
that i can sustain myself...

But I WANT MORE!!
I had so many plans lined up for this year...
and its not that i cant accomplish them..
I'm AFRAID to pursue them in this awful economy..
I feel guilty about making choices that will make me happy even temporarily..
to travel...upgrades in my house...
what if?
I'm petrified by what ifss.

I know im not alone in this fear...the anxiety...
but i want to laugh more...to smile more...to enjoy people to build memories
and im Crippled.....by this fear of loss
of losing what i DONT have yet...