Long response ahead: I'm going through it too and trying desperately to shake it. Unrelated, someone sent me the following and it's been helping somewhat. Try it.

"Suppose a farmer has some land, and it's good, fertile land. The land gives the farmer a choice; he may plant in that land whatever he chooses. The land doesn't care. It's up to the farmer to make the decision.

We're comparing the human mind with the land because the mind, like the land, doesn't care what you plant in it. It will return what you plant, but it doesn't care what you plant.

Now, let's say that the farmer has two seeds in his hand- one is a seed of corn, the other is nightshade, a deadly poison. He digs two little holes in the earth and he plants both seeds-one corn, the other nightshade. He covers up the holes, waters and takes care of the land...and what will happen? Invariably, the land will return what was planted.

As it's written in the Bible, "As ye sow, so shall ye reap."

Remember the land doesn't care. It will return poison in just as wonderful abundance as it will corn. So up come the two plants - one corn, one poison.

The human mind is far more fertile, far more incredible and mysterious than the land, but it works the same way. It doesn't care what we plant...success...or failure. A concrete, worthwhile goal...or confusion, misunderstanding, fear, anxiety and so on. But what we plant it must return to us.

You see, the human mind is the last great unexplored continent on earth. It contains riches beyond our wildest dreams. It will return anything we want to plant."

Plant good seeds!

BTW... when the advice comes from people who have nooo idea what you're going thru or no certainty that things will get better... I want to tell them to FUCK OFF too!

Nickie Nix...im trying...its a day to day struggle...moment to moment...i guess one day we'll be able to say...remember when??..in the meantime...im a ball of conflicting emotions and supressed rage...steups..

smile and keep moving right?