that has really affected me....
like for real for real...
it was the blog of a friend...younger than I am...
who has done in her life all the things ive wanted to do...
and i realize that I've lived my life.....guided by Fear..
Not the irrational kind..
Ive done the right reasonable things based on careful painstaking THOUGHT!
decisions thought through to the very end....to make the best rational decision.
Theres nothing wrong with that...
but Ive denied myself...the opportunity to do EXACTLY what i want...
there's always been a reason to NOT be the emotional, do things on a fancy part of my self...
In fact the last thing i did on a whim was pierce my navel umpteen years ago...
In light of the economy and all the other things up in the air in this life...
this is probably not the best time...to give care to the wind...
and live the life not planned...
Ive been relying on JUST myself for so long...that I felt that I had to be consistent to make sure that I...me Clivia....would be my own safety net..
Cause LORD knows...i cant count on anyone else...
i still feel like that...

So I've been thinking through my worst case scenarios recently.....
and....

Listen to what it is...
I would go back home to Tobago...to live...get this...with my parents ...who are the coolest ever. I would start dancing again, and pan...and writing. Help my mom with her event planning business. Go with my dad to dj at events, go the beach, re-connect with my best friends. Be a part of my sister's life and have a real relationship with my nieces and nephews.


WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???

No really?
that's the WORST CASE!!!

really?

it's obliterated my fear....OBLITERATED!

a fearless Clivia is Entirely Powerful....

I love it.