when i try to explain to people...that my days just seem to run together, i wonder if they really get it? Its just a run of interviews and dead space in between. My emotional level seems to be _____________________. I try to be upbeat an dpositive and not focus on my issues....so ive turned off that switch...the emotion switch....and soemtimes have to remember to trun it on when i do talk to people so i dont get to O_o ...are you okay look. I go outdoors only when necessary, and my mom keeps saying...go outside and do something? uhm Do what? drive around why everybody else is being constructive? Spend money that I should be saving for paying my bills? I can only scout for work a few times before im knocking on the door of the same resources the second time..
What was the point of this post?
anyways..
Later

im sitting ....
waiting for my life...
to JUMP off again..
Ive been unemployed now...count em 30 days...
and im so frustrated.....
im pacing...
and trying to stop myself from screaming.....
howling at ...wtf ..what?? ..

im going through phases...daily..
of hmm....
i get to read and blog ...not so bad...
of...hmm what side hustle do i turn into my new job...
of...
feeling inadequate...and dependent...

the phase im in today...
is..
standing in front of the mirror...
... with scissors...
I cut my hair off every time im going through something...
I dont even know if it helps...
I guess it's like being stripped bare and naked...
last time i did such a bad job i had little thin patches in my head and had to run to the barber..
so....
im backing awayyyyyyyyyy from the scissors...
sigh..

and go watch tyra instead....