Patience
Sunday, November 11, 2007
NOVEMBER 16, 2007 . 3:44PM
Life is such a funny thing...
you can be at the top of the world...and in mere seconds...
the time it takes for a butterfly's wing to move the tiny bit of air that propels it...
the time it takes for a tear to form in the corner of your eye...
You've sunken into a pit of despair and confusion that makes the previous high feel like a dream..
a hallucination...
an unrecognized dream...
So...
You...
you know who you are..
We have had this conversation many times...even when i swore not to speak to you again....but found you because nothing else would make sense...
I know that human beings live this exchange of euphoria and depression constantly...
It is part of your creative process..
Listen...
I acknowledge my blessings...
I know I must not be bitter..
or dissatisfied..
or selfish....
or grudgeful...
or forgetful of my talents and accomplishments...
my successes and my instances of dumb luck
and divine intervention...
I know that I'm survivor and a soldier..
and greed is an evil thing...
I don't want to seem ungrateful ....
so today i ask...
send me patience..
because i know that i don't know..and i may never know...I may never see the grand scheme...or my place in it..
Send me Patience...
I am frustrated with my inability to accept that i WILL NOT KNOW my path..
send me patience..
Because im am frustrated with my inability to forgive my self....and others...
Send me patience...
because i don't want to be bitter or pessimistic or doubt my purpose here..
I don't ask for help..
or a miraculous sign from the heavens...
I know that i must work for what is to be mine... i accept that...
I ask only for patience...
Patience while i cry...
Patience while i scream in my head...
patience while i pretend that i am coping...
while i pretend i am not afraid..
Life is such a funny thing...
you can be at the top of the world...and in mere seconds...
the time it takes for a butterfly's wing to move the tiny bit of air that propels it...
the time it takes for a tear to form in the corner of your eye...
You've sunken into a pit of despair and confusion that makes the previous high feel like a dream..
a hallucination...
an unrecognized dream...
So...
You...
you know who you are..
We have had this conversation many times...even when i swore not to speak to you again....but found you because nothing else would make sense...
I know that human beings live this exchange of euphoria and depression constantly...
It is part of your creative process..
Listen...
I acknowledge my blessings...
I know I must not be bitter..
or dissatisfied..
or selfish....
or grudgeful...
or forgetful of my talents and accomplishments...
my successes and my instances of dumb luck
and divine intervention...
I know that I'm survivor and a soldier..
and greed is an evil thing...
I don't want to seem ungrateful ....
so today i ask...
send me patience..
because i know that i don't know..and i may never know...I may never see the grand scheme...or my place in it..
Send me Patience...
I am frustrated with my inability to accept that i WILL NOT KNOW my path..
send me patience..
Because im am frustrated with my inability to forgive my self....and others...
Send me patience...
because i don't want to be bitter or pessimistic or doubt my purpose here..
I don't ask for help..
or a miraculous sign from the heavens...
I know that i must work for what is to be mine... i accept that...
I ask only for patience...
Patience while i cry...
Patience while i scream in my head...
patience while i pretend that i am coping...
while i pretend i am not afraid..
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