SHE heard people say...
"Love the Ones that Love You"..

and SHE always thought it was cruel rhetoric..
spewed by bitter, calculating people who choose to crush the spark that is the very cornerstone of human existence..
SHE thought
You cant choose who you love...
Or why you love them...

SHE said
It is an explained matching of natural tendencies
of colliding sensibilities...
of pheromones bouncing across a plane of psychic connections...
charged..
ionic..

And yet...
SHE broke when the one SHE believed was created for her..
mangled the complex intricate spider web of what SHE thought was their love...
tendrils of memories and experiences whipped together and made strong by..
connections..
by conversations about existentialism...
and music ..
and poetry
and IT that is GOD
and life..
life
the thing of constant, alternating, parallel paths,
that eventually lead to an outcome that is changeable but..maybe not..
discernible...but sometimes not...
and the search for that path of THEM...would be made easier because SHE had HE by her side...

SHE
was wrong...

And SHE did what was expected of her...
Rewrite the Melody of her existence...
to a Solo...
a staccato...stilted dirge..
and any new Harmony of HIM that would raise its voice to join hers...
would be met by echo..
a roar of Silence..
a vacuum of SHE...

it comes...
light and slow...
teasing like a cheeky gnat or mosquito trying to dance on your ear...
Then it roars..
like an airplane..
but far over head...
impressing you with its weight and power..
but fooling you with its apparent distance from you...
and then it drops..
like an acme anvil from the looney toons series..
unexpected ,
deliberate,
unavoidable..

FEAR.

i saw this while reading this blog Colored Boy. Check him out.

sometimes...
a girl....
even a fiercely independent...i can do this by myself....
kinda girl...
wants a moment...
that will take her breath away....
a connection that will warm even the cold wall of reserve that she has built around her self...
a genuine surprising smile that breaks across her face like a ray of misplaced sunshine in the midst of a rainstorm..
sometimes she wants to gasp as the thoughtfulness of a prepared, planned intentional thing....
that was done just for that response...
to see her smile....
to have her genuinely react to the effort...
sometimes...a strong girl...needs to be reminded that she doesn't have to be..an impenetrable wall of fierce..
to revel in the softness that she most always tries to bury....
because softness....is weakness...
sometimes a girl needs to be pushed....
to let go....if only just for THIS minute...
let go..let me love you....for JUST THIS MINUTE....
and you can return to to the shell that you've created to protect yourself from the harshness that is life...
sometimes...a girl just wants to be held...
so that the warmth can somehow penetrate to the tiny molecule of heat, of passion that she keeps buried deep deep within her...afraid to reveal it to the world and have even that taken away....
sometimes....
a girl needs a reminder that maybe...maybe one day...
she wont have to allow that other shell to be the only face the world will see...
that maybe the smile that comes from being loved, being seen, being known....
will be the only one she needs...

After a While

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn
That kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child

And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way
Of falling down in mid flight

After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul
Instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers

And you learn
That you really can endure
That you are really strong
And you really do have worth
And you learn and you learn
With every good bye you learn.

Veronica A. Shoffstall

I hear you in music...
Your smile intermingled between the melodies...
your eyes float in between the chords of songs imagined...not realized...
a fragment of you in a suspended chord...
Suspended...
Lyrics come to me ..out of nowhere...from floating bits of emotion...
moments remembered..or conjured from somewhere outside of cognitive memory......






----and then it left me...

hahaha

i cant run from you..
i think of you often...and wonder if you think of me..
i know i hurt you...because i know i hurt myself by my actions...
I wonder if you miss me...
Im afraid to hear your voice...
because i will be back ...there ...AGAIN..
knowing that i need you ..
but still afraid to pursue you...
I know..that you love me.
Its a first for me..
this knowledge...
this awareness of you...this connection that comes from...........i dont know where..

you see me....
It scares me...
because everyone else sees the facade i so easily create..
i miss you...one.
I miss you..
I miss you

but my fear keeps me silent....
silent like dust...
silent
like unturned pages in books worth reading...
i almost want to be forced into loving you as you want me to..
I miss you...one.

forgive me.

..be a man of your word...
EVERY word..
like...
"Ill be there in twenty....
or..
I'll call you when I'm done..
Or...
this will ALL be over soon...
or..


If you want to keep her...
LOOK at her...
not around her....or next to her...
or when she cant FEEL you looking at her..

If you want to keep her...

remind her what you smell like...
or that you know what she smells like...

If you want to keep her...
Don't just rely on words to let her know she's beautiful..
she should know because you take advantage of Any opportunity to touch her..

If you want to keep her...

remember that the thought of you should bring a smile..
or a memory....
a smell ...a song...to mind...
and that requires focus and time ...



...then it disappeared..This has been a draft for so long...and I dont have the energy to even bring my brain back to that space right now...so I just published it

In my sky at twilight you are like a cloud
and your form and colour are the way I love them.
You are mine, mine, woman with sweet lips
and in your life my infinite dreams live.

The lamp of my soul dyes your feet,
the sour wine is sweeter on your lips,
oh reaper of my evening song,
how solitary dreams believe you to be mine!

You are mine, mine, I go shouting it to the afternoon's
wind, and the wind hauls on my widowed voice.
Huntress of the depth of my eyes, your plunder
stills your nocturnal regard as though it were water.

You are taken in the net of my music, my love,
and my nets of music are wide as the sky.
My soul is born on the shore of your eyes of mourning.
In your eyes of mourning the land of dreams begin.

Pablo Neruda

"and that's why i have to go back
to so many places
there to find myself
and constantly examine myself
with no witness but the moon
and then whistle with joy,
ambling over rocks and clods of earth,
with no task but to live,
with no family but the road."
— Pablo Neruda

My "SHE Power" woke me up this morning...
I think the universe was aligned..
And she woke me...
It was as sweet as a Morning kiss...
Waking up with a smile on your face and purpose in your heart..

"SHE's" soundtrack is Jill...
she runs the gamut of WOMAN emotions...
And Like Jill...
She is not an emaciated, vapid, nervous woman..
She is round, and sensuous...
And full..and deep...
And driven....and exuding such raw female power...
That you sense that she is a BARELY controlled INFERNO of emotions..
Hidden under a shimmering, Fragile,veneer of class and calm..
But dont push...
Don't push....or you have to live with consequences..and so will she..

I love when she's here..
I'm comfortable in my skin...
I'm powerful...
Beautiful..
Confident in my abilities..
In that... I KNOW I CAN TURN HIS HEAD..kinda way....
I step outside of myself when she's here..
I'm coy, and glowing...my skin electric with the awareness of ME
In that...I KNOW I'm hot kinda way..
In that...I Know I'm a creative, nerdy, genius, Sensual, complicated, complex, tortured person..
Buy My love is the SHIT!

It's not arrogant...
It's powerful...
its a tuning in to YOUR PLACE In the world...
Your place in life..
Your purpose driven life...
It makes dealing with day to day drama easier..
Because that SHE power is singing in your head..

She's singing..
You're wonderful..
You can handle this....and your body sways as she sings to your spirit...
A slow, swing.....Taking it in

SHE's singing...
You're spiritual..you can walk through this an emerge the victor..
SHE's singing...and you dance with the melody..

She sings..
IF he does not LOVE you..
..if he cannot LOVE the complexity of you,..
..the mystery of you that EVEN you cannot fully understand...
..he is not The Man for you..
And that is nothing to mourn ..but a reason to celebrate...

SHE sings...
Speak your truth,
Share your smile...let the world see you..
Face them...and let your SHINE spill over ..
So that the sisters around you can feel the pull of your energy and tap into it..

Then you'll do that Little nod of acknowledgment in the street
Nothing more ..
Nothing less..

But you're singing too...
yes SISTER ...
I see you too..
i FEEL you too..
I SEE YOU...

SHE power....share it.

Just Slap a B*^&th?
Just to feel the satisfaction of shutting her mouth up??
Just for the gratification of that minute of FEAR In her eyes..
so they know..
Yeah this chick JUST might be crazy...
I may need to watch myself..
Maybe I should stop being so SLICK out the mouth...
Maybe I should stop trying to manipulate situations so I look good...
and step on her in the process..

As grown women they tell you..
Dont step down to their level,
You're better than that
Youre a Lady...and a lady chooses her battles...
And when she chooses them she knows she will win.
Yes Val [Mommy] I'm listening....I always do..


But just for one moment..
just one..
What if..
JUST FOR TODAY...
i CHOOSE to stomp a chick head into the ground??
Just Once???
so I can see the imprint of my shoe on her face???
So that CSI can find HER DNA on the grooves in the bottom of my shoes??
So that she has to use a Tweezer to remove her Teeth from her ear??

Just once...





Angry Much?