can change from minute to minute..
and what a difference it can make in your life..
in your view of yourself....
and the view of the world...
and your relationships..
..in what your future will be..and your plans for yourself..

It's like walking through the mist of what you thought you would be weeks ago..
and realizing that it may have just been that....Mist

I think that sometimes coming to critical mass about things...
Breaking...
and seeing who is still around when the explosion happens...
who will listen through the manic ramblings..
who will hold your hand while you come apart...
Who won't look at you with Judgment in their eyes...
who is still there...after you've fallen in on your self...and you're scrambling..to come back to yourself..

Seeing who is still there...and who is NOT.....is like a catharsis of sorts...
If you look around..and there's no one there...you have no choice but to re-assess..
and rely on ONLY you and YOUR abilities..

Maybe you served a purpose...and unfortunately...when you no longer fulfill that need...or serve that purpose..
you're not AS important to them...

That is the way of the world though..
Its why its important to hold on to your family..
of the people who have become your family..
because at least to them, you're forever valuable...

my problem has always been....
or so I've been told..
is that I don't trust people to be there for me..
I don't expect that they would consider my needs or happiness a priority..
And to be perfectly honest...I still don't..
words to that regard are hard for me to swallow...
even harder to accept...
so I guess that means I'll be forever stuck...relying on just me..

what a lonely existence...

So Today..I let it Go

I forgave my Ex husband today..[yeah this is a ramble..sorry]
I forgave my Ex-best friend...i still ain't talking to the evil heffer...lol...but i forgave her

Because I can't apologize for being..ME..
I can't change who the essence of Me is...
I cant' be the new and improved Clivia...because some one else wants me to..
To change my anxieties, or fears, or phobias, or dreams, or choices or weaknesses or strengths...
I can't let GO of my issues ..they are MINE..
I don't want anyone to change because of me...
I want them to Love me as ME...
and if not...so be it..

See me as I am..
Not through any Mist of Perception...


[edit..this is not a sad post..lol]
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